A Redditor recently asked how to deal with a friend who asks for financial help. In this case, the friend was between jobs and was asked to borrow $5,000. The problem? The Redditor said the friend continues to make poor financial decisions amid the struggle.
Although the Redditor’s first instinct was to say “no,” they felt guilty and reconsidered their decision.
Commenters quickly jumped in to offer emotional support and urged the poster to stand firm in his decision.
They pointed out that the money borrowed is likely lost forever and that loan arrangements between friends can ruin relationships. Plus, they may keep asking for more.
Financial experts largely agree with these assessments.
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Ask yourself how you really feel
“Are you feeling pressured or do you really want to give something? If it’s the latter, then it’s totally fine to give them cash,” says Angie Welsh, founder and president of My Annuity Agents, a Las Vegas-area annuity firm.
But withstand any pressure, she adds. “Don’t feel guilty. You don’t have to let it get you down.”
Sometimes it is necessary to say “no” to protect your own financial stability.
Consider friendship
The closer the friend is, the harder the decision is.
“If you lend money to someone, it’s going to put a little bit of pressure on the friendship,” says Patrick Yono, founder of Sure Life Financial in Novi, Michigan. You want to make sure the friendship can withstand this strain.
You may be more inclined to help a friend who is as close to you as a family member, but you want to make sure that lending them money doesn’t harm your friendship. “You need to prioritize your relationship with this person over any financial arrangements,” Yono adds.
Request details
If someone asks you for money, don’t be afraid to ask them why they need it, says Yono. How will they use it? Are you facing a temporary or long-term financial challenge?
“If you know they’re disorganized and don’t have a plan, they’ll probably just ask for money again later,” Yono says.
He warns against being a friend’s solution to a problem that he must solve himself.
Avoid certain warning signs
Yono warns against lending money to someone who is likely to use it for gambling or other potential vices, as this could fuel a deeper problem.
You could be putting your own finances at risk. For example, co-signing a loan for someone could jeopardize your own credit score. Ultimately, you are responsible for the loan. A person who has no problem with you putting your own finances at risk may not be a true friend, says Yono.
Also a bad idea? Add the friend as an authorized user to your credit card. “There could be long-term effects that hurt your credit score,” says Welsh, if they charge fees and don’t pay them.
Look for other ways to help
If it doesn’t feel right to borrow money, you can give the friend a break instead.
Invite them to dinner to talk about their current challenges and find solutions.
Welsh suggests offering to pay a utility bill or grocery shopping. You could also help them apply for a loan, seek hardship assistance from a lender, or find a job.
If you ultimately decide to provide some cash, only give the amount you are comfortable losing.
“You don’t want to be in a position to help someone and end up hurting yourself,” Yono adds.
He also adds, “Lending money to someone is a band-aid, not the solution.” The ultimate goal should be to help your friend regain financial stability.
Reddit is an online forum where users share their thoughts in “threads” on various topics. The popular website features numerous discussions on financial topics, such as how to handle requests for money from friends. That’s why we scoured the Reddit forums to get an overview. People post anonymously, so we cannot confirm their individual experiences or circumstances.
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